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Ways to support a partner with ADHD
Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) is a common disorder that affects how your brain functions. Neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD are now more widely understood, but sharing a life with someone with ADHD can be tricky. Here we discuss what ADHD is, how to spot the signs and ways you can help support a partner with ADHD.
What is ADHD?
Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) is a common neurodevelopmental disorder which can impact a person’s brain functioning and behaviours. ADHD has three sub-types, that are explained in more detail below. These are:
- Inattentive
- hyperactive-impulsive
- combined
ADHD symptoms can interfere with a person’s daily life. It may affect their home life, relationships, or work.
It’s not clear what causes ADHD. But research suggests it could be caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors, such as complications at birth.
ADHD is a common form of neurodiversity in adults. Between 200,000 and 300,000 adults are estimated to have ADHD in the UK.
What are the signs of ADHD in adults?
Symptoms of ADHD can be varied and may depend on which sub-type someone has. The signs may have been noticed by the person with ADHD or by a partner or relative.
Here are some of the main signs of ADHD in adults.
Inattention
People with symptoms of inattention may often:
- have difficulty staying focused on tasks or conversations – they may zone out when presented with a lot of information, or appear as if they’re not interested in what’s being said
- find it hard to listen or follow instructions
- avoid important tasks or be unable to finish tasks – they may focus on things that are unrelated to the task, also known as ‘procrastination’
- be forgetful or lose things
- find planning and organising difficult - also known as poor ‘temporal sequencing’
Hyperactivity-impulsivity
People with symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity may often:
- fidget and move their body when seated
- leave their seat when they’re expected to be seated, such as in an office
- talk a lot
- interrupt others or have difficulty waiting their turn
- engage in tasks or hobbies in a loud manner
- be moving around or ‘on the go’
If you think you or your partner are showing signs of ADHD, make an appointment to speak with a GP. They’ll refer you, or your partner, to a psychiatrist for a full assessment.
How can I support my partner with ADHD?
If your partner has ADHD, you can help and support them in the following ways.
1. Educate yourself
ADHD can be complex. You may notice unusual or disruptive behaviours from your partner that can be difficult to make sense of.
Educating yourself as much as possible about ADHD can help you to understand your partner better and know what signs to look out for. This can also be helpful if your partner has undiagnosed ADHD.
The National Institute of Mental Health have published a useful brochure on adult ADHD.
2. Therapy
If your partner is living with ADHD, it may be helpful for them to attend therapy. This could be talking therapies with a mental health professional, to discuss their feelings and experiences. They may also benefit from psychotherapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), to help change their behaviours. For example, learning to become more organised.
Attending therapy can be daunting. Try to be encouraging towards your partner and talk through any concerns they might have. It may help to take them to the appointment and wait for them, or even attend the first few with them if they wish.
Couples therapy could also be an option if your partner’s ADHD is causing problems in your relationship.
3. Encourage self-help
ADHD can affect someone’s mood and behaviour and make it more likely to have another mental health problem, like anxiety or depression.
Symptoms are usually treated with medication or therapy. But there are things that can be done at home to manage ADHD symptoms.
You can encourage and support your partner to engage in the following self-help strategies:
- regular exercise
- eating balanced meals
- getting seven to nine hours of sleep per night
- maintaining relationships and support networks
- strategies to help with organisation, such as to-do lists, reminders, wall planners or electronic organisation apps
- avoiding alcohol and drugs
These tips can help a person with ADHD to create a routine, become more organised and manage their energy and emotions.
You might want to discuss these options with your partner and trial them to see which work best for them. You can then slowly introduce these into daily life, and even do activities together, such as regular exercise.
4. Strategies to improve focus for ADHD
There are several techniques you could encourage your partner to try to help them stay engaged or reduce distractions from their surroundings.
- Breathing exercises. If your partner has the urge to suddenly move around, or interrupt someone who’s speaking, self-soothing techniques such as breathing exercises can help.
- Loops. Loops are ear buds specifically for people with ADHD that can block out surrounding noise and help your partner focus more effectively.
- Fidget toys. These can also be helpful to stop your partner from moving around as much, especially in situations where they’re expected to stay seated.
- Work adaptions. If your partner is finding it difficult to focus or sit still at work, they could try using a standing desk. This allows them to alternate between sitting and standing throughout the day. They could also speak to their employer about having regular breaks away from their working station.
5. Find a support group
There are several support groups set up for people with ADHD. This could be a great way to meet other people and realise they’re not alone in what they’re experiencing.
Living with a partner with ADHD and trying to support them can be difficult for you too. There are support groups set up specifically for the families and loved ones of people with ADHD. These might be helpful to talk to others you can relate to.
You can find out more information about ADHD support groups on the ADHD UK and ADHD aware websites.
If you’re worried about your mental health, our direct access service aims to provide you with the advice, support and treatment you need as quickly as possible. You’ll be able to get mental health advice and support usually without the need for a GP referral. Learn more today.
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Sources Sources
- Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder NICE CKS. Cks.nice.org.uk, revised April 2024
- Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. National Institute of Mental Health. Nimh.nih.gov, reviewed September 2023
- About ADHD. ADHD UK. Adhduk.co.uk, accessed July 2024
- ADHD and mental health. MIND. Mind.org.uk, accessed July 2024
- ADHD and mental health. MIND. Mind.org.uk, accessed July 2024
- Personal communication. Lisa Fairclough, Mental Health Nurse Adviser at Bupa. 12 July 2024
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