Relationships
- The facts
- Getting over your heartbreak - Action plan
- I'm in love with someone who never notices me - What can I do?
- Dating - What should I expect?
- Why do people keep telling me contraception is so important?
- A teenager's story
The facts
Most people get over their first heart-break eventually, but being "dumped" can make you feel down, whenever it happens. Here are some tips for dealing with the end of a relationship.
Getting over your heartbreak - Action plan:
- Don't feel that you're a failure or an idiot for believing that the person you liked ever liked you. You're going through an experience that has happened to everyone at some time or another.
- Girls - don't rush out and have your hair cut. It's almost always a mistake and if you don't like the new hairstyle, you'll feel even more miserable.
- Do go shopping if you've got any money. Buy some new clothes - it's almost guaranteed to make you feel a little better.
- Don't become a hermit. You can face going out, and you need your friends.
- Talk to someone - your best friend or your family will be the best listeners... but remember that they can only take so much of you being love-sick!
I'm in love with someone who never notices me - What can I do?
Strong feelings like this are often called 'crushes'. They're very common and very normal. They're also quite common in adults! You might have a crush on a boy or girl in the class above you; on a teacher, film star or sports personality, or even on a character in a film or book. Crushes on real people living close to you can be very painful if the person shows absolutely no interest in you. Although it may be hard to believe, crushes don't last. They're not based on a real relationship and you'll know the real thing when you experience it. Give yourself time, and see how your feelings change.
Dating - What should I expect?
Dating is all about enjoying the company of someone you like and who makes you feel good about yourself. Where you go and what you do has to be agreed by both of you, so whatever you both enjoy will be fine.
Dating doesn't have to be a heavy experience, and doesn't have to mean sex. It's a question of respect. Respect means accepting how far the other person wants to go. Kissing is fun, but only when both of you are happy with it. As soon as it gets too heavy for one of you, it isn't fun any more. The decision to have sex is yours and yours alone. Your body is your own and no one has the right to touch it without your agreement. You have the right not to be pressurised into having sex before you're ready.
Sometimes boys are very demanding and girls aren't confident enough to say no. Sometimes, it's the other way round. So don't 'expect' when you're on a date - 'respect' instead.
Why do people keep telling me contraception is so important?
Romantic relationships normally progress towards greater intimacy and you need to know the facts before you have sex. Boys should use condoms even if a girl is also using another form of contraception because only condoms protect you both against sexually transmitted infections. Boys don't have much choice - condoms - but there are several contraceptives for girls:
- The pill - safe and very effective as long as you take it at roughly the same time every day, according to the instructions.
- Diaphragms and caps - you put these into the vagina every time you have sex and leave them in for a few hours afterwards. A Family Planning Nurse can show you how to use them.
- Contraceptive/depo injection - a hormone injection that protects you against pregnancy for about three months.
- Implant - a thin tube placed under the skin of your arm. It releases a hormone which prevents you getting pregnant for about three years.
'Withdrawal' where the boy removes his penis from the girl just before ejaculating is not a safe form of contraception. It's difficult to get the timing right, and is very unreliable - sperm can leak out of the penis before ejaculation and cause pregnancy.
A teenager's story
A teenager writes: "A few years ago, I went through a phase of having very strong feelings for one of my older brother's friends. I had a photo of him and I used to kiss it every night and sleep with it under my pillow. Of course, he never took any notice of me because I was three or four years younger than he was. I think if he had asked me out, I'd have died! When he went away to college, I thought it would break my heart. But the feelings did fade, although I never believed they would. I'm 17 now and much more interested in boys of my own age."