Bullying
- The facts
- What is bullying?
- When does teasing become bullying?
- Being bullied by adults
- Why do bulies bully?
- What should I do?
- Anika's story
The facts
No one deserves to be bullied, but almost everyone is at some point in their lives. Bullying is common at school - in one major piece of research, more than half of primary school and a quarter of secondary school pupils said they had been bullied in the current school term.1 But bullying doesn't only happen at school: it can happen to anyone, at any age. Bullying isn't the fault of the person it happens to - there isn't a 'type' of person who gets picked on by bullies - although there are some things you can to do make yourself more bully-proof, which we'll talk about below.
What is bullying?
Bullying is any behaviour intended to hurt another person. It may be very obvious that the bully intends to hurt; the victim is pushed or shoved around, punched or kicked. Sometimes bullies call their victims names and try to make them look foolish. Sometimes possessions, such as a mobile phone, watch or money are stolen. Young people are twice as likely as adults of any age to be victims of crime, and bullies account for a lot of it.
But bullying isn't always very obvious. Some bullies work on a psychological level. To someone who is just casually watching what's going on, they might even look as though they're being quite friendly. This sort of bully might be hurtful behind your back or might spread rumours about you. They might tell other people lies about you, or deliberately exclude you from group activities.
In other words, there's a very wide range of behaviour that comes under the heading of bullying. The real test of whether someone is bullying you is more about their intention. If you feel someone is deliberately trying to undermine or upset you, it's probably bullying.
When does teasing become bullying?
Teasing is light-hearted fun between friends. Teasing becomes bullying where the person who's being teased has become genuinely upset. They might feel weighed down from persistent teasing. They may sense that the teasing, while light-hearted, contains an underlying message that they're not 'part of the gang', that they're somehow 'different', and that the teasing is marking them out as someone who's a bit odd. Relentless teasing may be a bully's way of keeping someone she sees as a threat at arm's length from her friends, fearing she'll become over-popular if she's given access to the group.
Being bullied by adults
Sometimes adults bully young people. These bullies may bully adults as well as children, or they may pick only on kids. Being bullied by an adult can really wear a young person down and it can be very hard to put up with it on your own. It's unlikely, though, that you're the only child this adult is bullying - watch out for other examples, as this could help you if you're talking to adults about it.
Why do bullies bully?
Bullies often have problems in their own lives. Often, they've been bullied themselves. Some are still being bullied, either at school or at home. They have learned bullying behaviour from others and now they're copying it themselves. In a way it's sad, because it's about a real lack of self-esteem and self-confidence in their own lives.
Bullies sometimes work together in packs, but they're often cowards at heart. Sometimes there's a 'ringleader' and the other bullies are frightened to leave the group because they think they'll be bullied themselves. Sometimes the bullying kids are a bunch who feel weak and frightened on their own, but who feel big and strong by being together. The truth is, though, that it's a sham.
Bullies are often jealous of their victims. They want to see a reaction to their teasing or their abuse or their violence: it's how they get their 'kicks' and feel big.
What should I do?
- Talk to someone. If you can't talk to someone right now, keep it in mind for the future, especially if things get worse. It might seem like the hardest thing you could ever do, to talk to anyone else about it, but at the end of the day getting bullying out in the open is the best way to combat it. Don't think of it as 'grassing' or 'snitching'.
- Try to strengthen your links with your real friends. If you haven't got many friends - maybe you're new to the school, for example - look at ways you can make some. Ask your mum and dad if you can have friends from school over on a Friday night or at the weekend. Talk to people you haven't spoken to before. Being with other friends makes you less attractive to bullies.
- Avoid being in situations where you could be bullied. Try not to be alone when it's likely bullies will be around. Find friends to walk or get the bus to and from school with.
- If you're being name-called or teased, try not to show you care. Bullies stop bullying if they don't get a response. They might say really hurtful things, about how you look or about your family, but try to just shrug it off and don't make eye contact if you know you look upset.
- Don't get into the habit of fending bullies off with 'gifts' of sweets or money on a regular basis. But if you're cornered by bullies who are threatening violence, hand over your mobile or purse - possessions aren't worth being injured for.
- Try really hard not to hit back. Get away instead.
Anika's story
Anika moved to a new school in Year 7. She had moved to the town from outside, so she didn't have any friends. She'd had friends in her old school, but now one of her new classmates, Zoe, saw her as a threat. Zoe and her gang left Anika out of things going on at school, and if other people in the class talked to her or tried to make friends, Zoe froze them out. Anika told her mum, and the two of them went to see the class tutor. The tutor decided to have a special session on welcoming in people from the outside and on anti-bullying strategies. It opened the eyes of the other girls in the class to what Anika was going through, and to what they could do to help. By not helping Anika more, they were siding with Zoe. Talking about bullying openly made enough of them realise they had to do the right thing, Anika made friends and Zoe had to back off.
- Bullied and anxious, TheSite.org
www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/askthesiteqandas/.../bulliedandanxious, accessed 3 October 2007 - Parents, Bullying UK
www.bullying.co.uk/parents/index.aspx, accessed 3 October 2007 - Helping friends beat bullying, TheSite.org
www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/wellbeing/.../helpingfriendsbeatbullying, accessed 3 October 2007 - Parents, Bullying UK
www.bullying.co.uk/parents/index.aspx, accessed 4 October 2007 - Helping friends beat bullying, TheSite.org
www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/wellbeing/.../helpingfriendsbeatbullying, accessed 4 October 2007 - Is my child a bully?, Bullying UK
www.bullying.co.uk/parents/is_my_child_a_bully/index.aspx, accessed 3 October 2007 - Bullying What can parents do?, ChildLine
www.childline.org.uk/pdfs/info-bullying-parents.pdf