Sex
- The facts
- Talking to your child about sex
- Contraception and teenagers
- Unplanned pregnancy
- Sexually transmitted infections
- Helping them deal with peer pressure
- Sarah-Louise's story
The facts
Children and young people learn about sex and relationships from a range of sources including friends, magazines, TV, and films. But, according to the Sex Education Forum, most young people actually want to hear about sex and relationships from their parents.1
Talking to your child about sex
Evidence suggests that young people who talk to their parents about sex and have good sex education at school are more likely to delay having sex and less likely to have an unplanned pregnancy or get a sexually transmitted infection.2
If you feel you don't know where to start, here are a few tips to get the ball rolling.
- Start early. Even at a young age, children have lots of questions about their bodies and where babies come from. Keep your answers honest and simple, using language they can understand.
- Soaps and other TV programmes often have storylines about sex and relationships. This gives you the perfect opportunity to talk about these issues in a natural, relaxed way.
- You may find it easier to raise the subject when you are doing something everyday, such as washing up or walking somewhere.
- Talk about feelings and relationships, not just biology.
- Ask your child what he or she knows and thinks about the subject. This will tell you how much they already understand. Let them know what you think too.
- Have leaflets, books or videos/DVDs handy for reference. There are a lot of good materials available for children of all ages now, and they really do help.
- Find out when your child has lessons about sex and relationships at school, so that you can ask him or her about their lessons.
Contraception and teenagers
It is important to talk to your child about contraception well before he or she becomes sexually active.
Up to a third of young people have had sex by the time they are 16, and the younger they are, the less likely they are to use contraception or practise safe sex.3 Although the number of teenagers who use contraception is slowly growing, many still use no contraception the first time they have sex.
Young people can legally obtain contraceptives without their parents' knowledge or agreement once they reach the age of 16. Your child may obtain contraception at a younger age without your consent if, in the opinion of a doctor, he or she understands how to use it and its implications and risks.4
Unplanned pregnancy
The UK has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Western Europe with 90,000 teenage pregnancies every year. Over 7,000 of these are girls under 16.5
Some teenagers still believe myths, such as you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex or if you are standing up. While mothers traditionally talk to their daughters about contraception and fathers to their sons, it can be valuable to do it the other way around. In this way, your child will become used to discussing contraception with a member of the opposite sex.
Sexually transmitted infections
Sexually transmitted infections are on the increase amongst young people, so it is important to make your child aware of the risks. Just one act of unprotected sex is enough for someone to catch an infection. By talking about safe sex, you can help give your teenager the confidence to avoid risky sexual behaviour. Also let your teenager know who else they can talk to about safe sex if they don't want to talk to you - it might be a grandparent, family doctor or services such as the FPA, formerly the Family Planning Association (see Support).
Helping them deal with peer pressure
There are lots of pressures on young people to become sexually active these days. You can help your child resist these pressures if you explain that, despite what friends, teen magazines and TV programmes seem to imply, sex is not compulsory and in fact at least two thirds of their peers aren't 'doing it'.6 Reassure your child that it's okay to say no and that there's no reason to rush into sex. Also let your child know about the importance of respecting other people's feelings, needs and wishes in a relationship.
Sarah-Louise's story
Sarah-Louise, mum to Rowan, six, and Maia, nine
"The first thing I knew about sex was when my mother gave me a big lecture about periods and sanitary towels when I was about 10. I was so shocked I was almost sick! I was determined to do it differently, so I've been very open about sex with Rowan and Maia from early on. If you start talking about it when they are little, it takes all the embarrassment out of it. Although I use terms I think they can understand, they don't grasp all the details or relationship issues. Still, they will grow up seeing sex as a normal part of life, and not something to be embarrassed to talk about."
- Talk to your children about sex and relationships: support for parents. Sex Education Forum. http://www.ncb.org.uk/dotpdf/open%20access%20-%20phase%201%20only/ff31_sef_2001.pdf, accessed 3 October 2007
- Talk to your children about sex and relationships: support for parents. Sex Education Forum. http://www.ncb.org.uk/dotpdf/open%20access%20-%20phase%201%20only/ff31_sef_2001.pdf, accessed 3 October 2007
- Talk to your children about sex and relationships: support for parents. Sex Education Forum. http://www.ncb.org.uk/dotpdf/open%20access%20-%20phase%201%20only/ff31_sef_2001.pdf, accessed 3 October 2007
- Confidentiality. Education for Choice. www.efc.org.uk/Pregnant/Confidentiality, accessed 3 October 2007
- Talk to your children about sex and relationships: support for parents. Sex Education Forum. http://www.ncb.org.uk/dotpdf/open%20access%20-%20phase%201%20only/ff31_sef_2001.pdf, accessed 3 October 2007
- Teenage pregnancy: an overview of the research evidence. Teenage Pregnancy Unit. http://www.dfes.gov.uk/teenagepregnancy/dsp_showDoc.cfm?FileName=ACFA6C6%2Epdf, accessed 3 October